There is a lot in the news and the press about the extra stress that the state of the world has triggered in all of us. This stress shows up in our varying changes in behavior and our subjective experiences. While the pandemic has certainly increased stress for most of us, we have had, and always will have, pain points that occur from time to time. So what can personality type frameworks do to help us relieve these pain points?
Step 1: Realize that you have some pain points that are behind your languishing, depression, anxiety, over indulgences or lashing out that may not be only about the situations you are in.
Step 2: Identify the source of the pain point. It may be easy for you to identify some of your pain points like frustration with the constraints of the pandemic or other situations you find yourself in. But there are other, somewhat hidden, pain points that we tend to overlook.
Essential Motivators (formerly known as Keirsey’s Temperaments) is my favorite lens of all the typology lenses for helping people understand themselves and others and especially for understanding some of these pain points. Essential Motivators tells us the ‘why’ of our behavior. It helps us understand our deepest motivations that are driven by core psychological needs. Often we are not aware of how deeply not getting those needs met affects us. These are some unconscious pain points that we may not realize are contributing to our malaise or maladaptive behaviors.
Step 3: Using the graphic below you can locate your core needs, related stressors and some ideas to help you get your core needs met. Ask yourself, “Am I feeling this way because my core needs are not being met?”
Then ask, “What can I do to get my core needs met? This may give you permission to find ways to get those needs met by exercising your talents more.
Step 4: Go a little deeper, especially if the above does not seem to work.
Often our pain points are more about not fitting in, feeling lonely, feeling not good enough, and so on. In these cases, we are likely suffering from Be-Like-Them syndrome. We ignore who we are at our core and compare ourselves to others and feel defective, and spend our energy trying to be different and then don’t feel good enough.
These pain points often come from beliefs we’ve taken on from early childhood experiences where our personality patterns didn’t match the norm for the culture of the family, the community, or even the broader culture. When this is the case, understanding that these hidden beliefs may not be as true as we thought they were can be helpful.
Again, an understanding of the Essential Motivator patterns can help us see that we are okay just the way we are. We are not defective just because we didn’t fit in. It helps us identify our talents that may not have been put to use. Remember that “our talents help scratch the itch that the core needs create.” If we are telling ourselves we are not good enough, we may not have had the opportunities to develop and use our talents or superpowers.
Ask yourself what you can do to engage your superpowers and develop your talents? Even if this is only for a small amount of time each day, this can be helpful in relieving these not-good-enough pain points.
5. Find a community where you do fit in or where you can explore the Essential Motivator patterns and find some more people like you. We have found that many of those who sign up for our certification courses and our Community and Connection course are relishing the community where they can reengage with their core selves, are appreciated for their talents, and learn to manage those life-long stress points.